Thursday, November 29, 2012

On Spam and Sugar Daddies

Here begins the cleaning from my desktop of screenshots I want to share with you.

> > >

I get a lot of spam just like you do. I delete it. I've never shared spam with you before (sans the creepy preying-on-facebook guys) and I feel this one was really special so I wanted to toss it at you.

Maybe you've seen it before. I haven't.
It really bummed me out.

Here you go. The "Marry Me Sugar Daddy" spam email:

Let me start with the subject line.

Why Settle for Mediocrity when you can Date a Millionaire Today

What's with the random capitalization?
And where's the question mark?
And who the hell ever said that not being a millionaire made you mediocre?
These people don't know what mediocre means, I don't think.

It works for quantifying things, like, say, a love life. "She said her love life was mediocre."
Or a movie script. "Wow. The script for Batman Begins was mediocre at best." <---I said that.
Food: He made mediocre pancakes.
I had mediocre sweetcorn two nights ago. Tasted like water.

Yes, Mediocrity is the word for a mediocre person but who ever said money made a person?
Charles Ingalls is not mediocre. Not by a long shot.
Nor was Socrates or Jesus.
Or Mozart.
Or, you know, name your poor-but-awesome person here.

The subject line might say:
Why Settle for Being Dirt Poor when you can Date a Millionaire Today?
Why Settle for Middle Class Ennui when you can Date a Millionaire Today?

Here's where I get pissed off/concerned/annoyed: The Marry Me part.
So...the only prerequisite for marriage is that the guy has money?

I met a girl in college. This was her goal--to marry a millionaire. I hope she did and I hope she's happy.

I married a poor guy. He's sitting right here next to me and he doesn't mind that I tell you this. He was poor as all get out growing up. This made him a hard worker, humble, funny as hell, daring, brave, smart, good with his hands, versatile, loving and warm. We've been married over 20 years. It's really freaking awesome.

I've been around a little while. I've met a lot of people who are married to someone who is not loving or warm. I've met people who got married but have zero in common. Money has nothing to do with this. I know warm and loving millionaires. I know cold and not-at-all loving dirt-poor people. The idea is: marriage is a big step. You don't make it based on something as silly as money. It's serious. Hardest work you'll ever do--trust me.

I admit, I sure wouldn't mind a few weeks living in luxury somewhere. My gods. Imagine having a cook. Every. Single. Day.

But you know: Love has gotten me through times of no money more than money has gotten me through times of no love.

You can keep your sugar daddy.

(You are encouraged to listen to TLC's "Silly Ho" immediately following this blog.)

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