Thursday, December 1, 2011

Super Holiday Mega Giveaway Contest

I'm iffy at holiday time. It's because consumerism wigs me out. But I always dug Santa Claus because the dude is nice. Like, really nice. He's not really about buying stuff...he gives stuff away. Nicest dude ever, right?

So the thought of Santa made me feel like giving stuff away. Sure, Santa doesn't require any writing or thinking or anything. (But he does require one to be nice and not naughty, so that's some work, I guess.) But I'm not Santa. Or, well, I guess I am in the eyes of two little people who still think I'm Santa, but none of you think I'm Santa, so we're good.

The rules are simple.

1. Write me a 100 word (or less) story about alternative to Santa Claus...but who does the basic stuff that the traditional Santa does. (Gives stuff away and is nice.)

Inside the narrative (not in list form, please) answer these questions: How does this person/thing get around the world in just one night? What sorts of gifts does he/she/it bring? Any particular costume? Does he/she/it have a catch phrase? What is his/her name?

2. Remember a story has a beginning, middle and end. This alternative Santa is only a character. Your setting can be anywhere, any time, and your character can be anything.

3. The most imaginative story that makes me want to hang out with the new alternative Santa wins.

4. I've had to turn on comment moderation due to spam on this contest, so if your comment doesn't show up immediately, don't worry! I'm just weeding out the spam!

PRIZE: Signed copies of all of my books. (I can sign them to anyone you want me to.) That's THE DUST OF 100 DOGS, PLEASE IGNORE VERZ DIETZ and EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS.

DEADLINE: December 10th, 2011 11:59pm

BONUS: Open to entrants in any country. With that deadline, I may not be able to get it to you on time for the big day if you're overseas, but I'll try my best.


Karoline said...

I have all your books now (ordered the last one as a prize for winning Nanowrimo and is reading it at the moment) so I'm not entering the contest. I only wanted to write a alternative santa-story because it sounded fun ;)

«I'm flying high, defying gravity» sang the Musical Clause as she finally did her santa-run. She'd wanted to travel from house to house with Cast Albums and Musical tickets for years, but it were just now that she'd actually gotten the carousel animals to fly, dragging a big bathtub with her and presents in it. And now she was soaring through the sky, dressed in her favorite dress (which was red and very christmassy) and with a catch phraze; «There's a musical song for every occasion!» while the stars twinkled exitedly around her :)

Am not entering my mail address since I'm not in it to win it, just to have fun writing a santa-story (plus the lack of comments saddened me a little) and hopefully you get lots of participants because you deserve it. Have a nice day!

thelittlefluffycat said...

As the days grow longer each year, I watch Nick’s fur fill out and his stomach round. He looks like he has a secret, but what cat doesn’t? When The Day comes (or, I should say, The Night) it is always the same – an insistent meow, an open door, and me, pajama-clad, beside him walking through the shadows between houses; picking up hidden things in one place, distributing them another. I carry the larger parcels, of course. It’s what I’m for. Did I name him Nick because I was Pete? Or did he name me? His purr rumbles like laughter.

Kayla Nieto said...

All right. Here's my contest entry. Hope it makes you laugh. I made it up at midnight with my sister. x]

Gay Santa ran back over to his unicorn after filling the stockings with the condoms. Sammy, the gay santa sits on his sparkly rainbow horse and brushes back his own short white hair. His red shirt and white skinny jeans keep him warm in this cold weather. Before he lets his horse fly away he looks down at the cute little house. Before he goes to the next he shouts to no one "Stay Protected!" It just tied in with his gifts. Looking up he smiles then the unicorn lifts off to the next house, while playing his favorite song. "Always I want to be with you."

--Deb said...

I already own two of your books, but this contest sounded like fun! So...

It’s not like I can put World Peace in every stocking, but what good are alien powers if you don’t share the good stuff once in a while? Sure, it’s just a snap of my fingers and a little concentration, so it’s not like it’s HARD, but ‘t’is the season and ho ho ho and all that jazz, as Lucy says. So the night of the 24th, every year, I share the wealth … one extra sock in everybody’s sock drawer, because everyone needs extras, right?

deb AT punctualityrules DOT com

Heather Hawke said...

Thanks for the great prompt. I love the other entries.

I blinked so fast my mascara stuck together. “Me. I’m Santa. I look like a 500-pound old guy?”

The smile disappeared off the dinky dude’s face. I wouldn’t be happy either to wear a dunce hat over bad hair. “You signed up for temporary immortality.”

A groundhog day assignment. Id’ve known if I hadn’t blown off study hall. “What do I have to deliver, coal to deserving munchkins?”

“Kid who flunked P.E. got that job. You get to choose.”

Good thing I’d saved my old prom dress. “I’ll deliver…one dance to every guy who couldn’t get a homecoming date.”

hawke AT sonic DOT net

Anonymous said...

This prompt is AWESOME. Here's my entry:

Aunt Agony likes hiding behind her words, where you can’t see her long underwear or her inky fingers or the pounds she’s put on from stress-eating. Likes you to look forward to her carefully-worded letter; pale purple envelope, perfect calligraphy, and quill on the postage stamp. Likes you to leap out of bed that morning, limbs weak, and pound down the driveway in bare feet, where the advice you need is sitting in your mailbox, freshly delivered by the mailman. It’s always good, no matter if it’s just “Stop whining".

When she visits, it’s because you’ve stopped looking.

akilya1108 AT comcast DOT net


nerdyteach said...

“There isn’t enough time!”

“No worries, Miss Charlie DeMar. When this thing hits 88 mph, you’re gonna see some serious shit.” Lane patted the dash of the Delorean.

“Oh, don’t even start quoting your ‘80s movies,” I warned, adjusting my legwarmers.

“Well, it IS appropos, is it not?”

I suppose she was right. I mean, in a few hours we’d travel the world at warp-speed delivering the heretofore unfulfilled toy wishes of all the deprived boys and girls of the 70s and 80s. Holly Hobby ovens, Spacehoppers, storytelling Alf dolls, and more. Deferred dreams were about to come true.

Eric said...

Galahad, the software engineer, stood alone, wearing his crimson suit. The Christmas party was small, so why the impersonator?

"I'm going to see if he has the secret code," Ginny from Sales, said.

Galahad watched her, the glint of a mainframe working within his glasses.

"Didn't know you crashed parties? Only computers?"

"Everyone's processor needs a reboot." His laughter tinkled with the sound of an inbox. He took her hand. "Remember, leave my website open. The gifts you need will download beneath the tree. You've been awfully good haven't you?"

Her mouth fell slack like the little girl she felt.

simplydevine5 AT yahoo DOT com

Hugo van Zijl said...

In the theme of "'Twas the night before Christmass" I decided to write it in a poem form :) I'll post it on my blog too @


There stood uncle Kelly
brown beer stains on his belly
All bald and in studded leather
looked far from very merry

His steed stood up in front
and made a mighty grunt
As strong as a lion and made out of iron
you'd find no finer mount

And over his right shoulder
trash bags there did hung
And by the way that he did sway
'twas clear that he was drunk

"Open up!" he went and shouted
"I have free rum and brandy"
and with a smile he passed a vial
"I hope your evening's dandy!"

Ralph Rudd said...

“Imagine a world where a truly generous man, not human exactly, but a man nonetheless, spends a whole year preparing for one great act of giving.”

“I'm sorry?”

“Now imagine him stripped from this post, replaced by a faceless corporation. By shareholders. By the creed.”
The woman in the black dress leans in, “What creed?”
“The creed, of course, is greed.” The man rises from his seat at the bar. She notes his perfectly tailored suit and broad shoulders. The soft lighting catches the streaks of grey in his beard as he turns to leave.

Anonymous said...

“Basically, I'm a cat. Big as a Boeing 747, fluffy as a Yeti and really, really fast.”

The little girl smiled, her eyes wide by the firelight, staring out of the open window by the Christmas Tree.

“Now you can't tell anyone about me, ok? And I shouldn't be giving you presents 'cause you stayed up so late. But I love you kids way too much.”

With a gentle nudge, the last present settled under the tree. As the window closed, the little girl whispered “Thank you. I love you too.”, falling asleep on the couch.

Matt Kearney
shadow DOT matte AT gmail DOT com

Lauren said...

I hope you enjoy :)

This holiday season be on the lookout for a DeLorean zipping through the sky carrying Millie, the talking, holiday gift-giving Boston Terrier. Her under bite gives her a bit of a lisp, but don’t be alarmed, it’s rather endearing even with her Boston accent.

Millie spreads joy throughout the holiday season by giving her favorite things; tennis balls and cheese wedges. Those that weren’t so nice this year can expect to receive carrots, because seriously, who wants a carrot when you can have cheese?

You know you are on the nice list if you hear her say, “Alls I’m saying is have a wicked awesome holiday.”

laurengetsliteral AT gmail DOT com

A.L. Sonnichsen said...

Tess presses her plastic foot to the gas, her VW Bug’s backseat so full she has to lean forward, eyes level with the dash. Silky black hair falls over her shoulder, mingling with the flyaway scarf she always wears Christmas night. Her sunglasses reflect the moon. The iPod blares Christmas cheer. Parking spots aplenty at the Children’s Hospital tonight. All the lights are out, just as she likes it.

The night guard barely looks up when she brings in the first load, her plastic foot clicking against the floor tile.

“Feliz Navidad,” she whispers as the elevator door slides shut.

Fun contest!


Mary C. said...

I've already been lucky enough to have won your latest two releases, but couldn't resist joining in on the fun! (also I'm over by 20 words. I suck at editing.)

"My proposal: a world where anything is instantly accessible. An entire lifetime's worth of information…all carried neatly in your pocket.

Those previously without access will now possess the greatest works of literature, science, mathematics, music, art; you name's yours.   

I'll provide the world the revolutionary gift of opportunity. Unlimited growth potential. Convenience. The ability to learn, connect, and yes…even be mindlessly entertained from time to time. And all of it will be available anywhere in the world tomorrow."  

"And how do you plan to do all that in one night, Mr. Jobs?" an audience member inquired.

The casually dressed man glanced at the skeptic with a grin and replied simply, "There's an app for that."

regina groppi said...

glitter hair pixy leaves late in the eve her high powered wings flap all through the night she shimmers of gold and silver always shedding some light she delivers gift of happiness,fullfillment and all your dreams you will see her circling the globe both far and wide making us feel wonderful and at peace inside ending our hunger, hate, and despair and after shes left you will know shes been there you see adults and children dance in the street hear animals singing and tapping their feet

Life with Nancy said...

Angel sat in the sleigh with the watch the old man gave her. He old her to wear red, all she had was a red skirt and sweater. Now she was cold. But that was the least of her worries. She was sitting in a sleigh with reindeer; in the North Pole.

The old man started walking towards.

"How do you deliver to everyone?"

"Pull the knob on the side of the watch" Santa said

A bird that flew by stopped in mid air


"We'll get back to that. Lets start your flight training" Santa said

"Okay old man"

Dorms said...

i love your books and the contest this year but i wanted to make it more about how the idea of what a child would feel about a different Santa then the one there is.

for example: what if there was a black Santa? then people would wonder why there isn't a white Santa.

i hope everyone likes it.


The only thing I remember about Santa being special and magical to me was telling her what I wanted.

And I couldn’t do that this Christmas.

Maybe the fact was this year I was too frightened of a hefty woman who changed the rules of Santa by wearing a UPS shirt instead of the red jumpsuit. That woman probably was late from her shift at UPS.

Truly I don’t blame her. The jumpsuit is ugly.


She screwed the idea of the jumpsuit.


A scared, worried, shy, disappointing girl who always had a boy haircut gave Santa the middle finger this year for being so frightening.

Basically she gave me it back.

Rogue91101 said...

Evil Santa placed the delicately wrapped black present under the all too happy Christmas tree. No elves to make and wrap this little beauty no, well at least not yet. The thought made him laugh silently to himself. All he needed was one present per home. Once the family opened it they would be completely under his control. Evil John walked right past the chimney, he doesn’t need it. What kind of mastermind would he be if he couldn’t walk through walls? He folds his tall skinny frame into his snow white Mustang and yells “Soon everything will be mine!”

Rogue91101 said...

Sorry i forgot to give you my E-mail :)

Bryson McCrone said...

Here is my entry!

Jiminy Red isn’t your average gift bearer. His cheeks are never rosy, and his lips never smile. His nose is too crooked and lips very vile. He brings coal for the bad children, but has one little surprise… a piece of bubble gum! He wears a black suit since it’s covered in soot, and has a neat little newspaper hat upon his head.
Jiminy rides around the world on the dumpster he calls home, pulled my four rats. The dumpster is really great for hauling coal (once you get past the smell). And when he leaves: “Happy chewin’ to all!”

Bryson McCrone said...

My email is:
Sorry if I was supposed to put this in the entry. :D

Stephanie said...


Hi, I’m Dr. Christopher Santapoulis, director of Intern Recruitment at the Department of Magical Giftgiving. And you, young person, are a candidate for the North Pole Student Institute. You know me as Santa, but since earning my doctorate in Finance, I’ve retired that name. See, the North Pole runs very differently from what you’ve likely heard—for one thing, a team of student interns in Prius’s delivers the gifts, and the uniform isn’t that brash candy-apple red, but pulled from the Khaki Chic executive line from Banana Republic.

Think YOU’RE ready to join the team? Complete the attached application today!

Thanks for the giveaway! My email address is bookwormoakes AT yahoo DOT com

Sarah Chang said...

It’s not easy being Santa’s daughter. Sure he’s a legend with giant, inflatable lawn ornaments modeled after him, but what about me? Since that reindeer incident with grandma, I’ve been driving the magic sleigh and I don’t even have my license.
“I so need a raise,” I thought again as I brushed soot from the fireplace off my dress.
A tree stood with glittering ornaments. Stockings adorned the fireplace, but I only had eyes for the enormous plate of cookies. I hungrily shoved one into my mouth and moaned with happiness. Maybe this Santa thing was worth it after all.

John Nelka said...

Was grateful and glad to see you at the Alvernia Literary Festival In October(I work in the Library there)Love the challenge this contest presents,here's my offering:

Call me Sailor Nick. Years ago, I fled the foul row I dare not call a family. Escaping in a suit of scars, my heart as hard as a lump of coal, damaged but destined to become a diamond.

Already white-haired and showing the beginnings of a beard, I signed on as cabin boy aboard the S.S. Ebenezer. Its cargo: toys.

Time and travel taught me to give and forgive.
Hope’s a stocking: I fill it tenfold.

Now as captain of a fleet providing safe passage to orphans, my myriad scars are covered by tattoos of red and green.

John Nelka

Rebecca K. O'Connor said...

On Christmas Eve Joan wore a Guns-N-Roses t-shirt and jeans ripped at the knees, the same thing she had worn since the Christmas she had yelled at her mother, stolen a six pack then played chicken with the train and lost. She kissed the girl on the forehead, the last child of the night, giving her like all the other children the gift of one brilliant dream that would come true. Her job complete, there was enough time left to watch her little sister sleep for just a few minutes. “Merry Christmas,” she said, “I’ll be back next year.”

rebecca(at)blueskywriting(dot) com

Monica Fumarolo said...

Doug, lead Santa of the UN’s classified CLAUS division, always wants to make things better. He moved headquarters (primary warehouse, workshop, and staff of the world’s most extreme couponers) to the islet Molokini and established global satellite offices.

I follow him, carrying his flight suit, as he oversees operations and compliments everyone on the way to the hanger.

“Doug, all acquisitions loaded. Time for deliveries.”

“Navy SEALs volunteered for the western hemisphere, we have the eastern.”


He smiles. “It’s graduation day, Kiddo. You take jet Vixen, I’ll fly Blitzen. Operation Silent Night to distribute goods starts in 30 minutes.”


Janet AlJunaidi said...

At “Just Read It” Headquarters.
“Another request for laughter, Marian!”
The librarian touched her sparkling glasses. “Report says age 5, assign Mo Willems. Add Charlotte’s Web for the cousin, she needs a friendship story.” Marian scrolled down. “Stay-at-home-mom wants to escape but learn something too… Toss in a Philippa Gregory.” One more – my glasses tell me an M.D./Ph.D. needs to re-connect to his own humanity, ‘The Book Thief.’”
“Marian, how will we manage to deliver all these in one night?”
“Surprise! This year will be much easier. The red suit is giving every human a device. Just hit ‘send.’”

janet dot aljunaidi at verizon dot net

Gabi said...

Aw, sad. I just saw this and the dealine was yesterday. :[ I wish I had seen it sooner!