Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Help Wanted. Posse Forming. Contest Within.

Before I get into contest stuff, I have to remind you that TODAY IS THE DAY.
Dear Bully (70 Authors Tell Their Stories) is out today. Go buy a copy and a portion of your money will go to the charity Stomp Out Bullying. This book is great for libraries, classrooms, teachers, administrators and parents too. Bullying: not just for kids, you know.
My small contribution to the book is an essay entitled "The Boy Who Won't Leave Me Alone" which was really hard to write because I hadn't told anyone about the boy except for my best friend at the time and my husband and sister since. Being singled out and harassed isn't fun. It's happened to me quite a bit in my life because I just don't seem to fit inside people's neat little boxes. I'm too weird. I'm too confident. I'm too talkative. I'm too serious. I'm too logical. I'm too good with power tools. I'm not a good enough shopper. I'm too popular. I'm not popular enough. I'm too tall. I'm too short. I'm too skinny. I'm not skinny enough. I'm too funny. I'm not funny at all. I hang out with the wrong people. I hang out with the right people. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah. Anything to start a rumor. Anything to gain whatever it is rumor-makers gain. Friends? Attention? Something to do on a boring day?

Want to hear a great rumor story? I think I should tell you one to celebrate the release of this awesome book.

When I was in high school, there was this girl who pretended to like me but she didn't like me and I knew it. And one day she walked up to me and told me that she had a secret and she was really freaked out and I couldn't tell anyone about it. (NOTE: I knew this was a set up the minute she approached me. She never talked to me. Why would she tell me a secret?) She then told me she was pregnant. (She was not pregnant.) She swore me to secrecy. Of course. Then, she left the rest to her sidekick.
Her sidekick wasn't very smart that day. I'm not sure if she was like that all the time and I wouldn't want to judge. But that day, she wasn't very smart. Make a mental note, readers. If you want to be a mean girl and do shifty stuff, at least make sure your sidekick is smart on the day you want to do said shifty stuff.
So about 5 tiny minutes later, the sidekick walked up to me. (Probably the second time this person ever talked to me. Clue #2 to that something shifty was going on.) Sidekick put on dramatic voice and said, "OMG! Did you hear [not-pregnant-girl] is pregnant?!" I stared at her and said, "Are you sure you were supposed to tell me that?"
She looked confused and walked away. Then, moments later, an irate [not-pregnant-girl] was in my face saying I told the sidekick the big secret. She told all of her friends that I passed a rumor around about her and they all gave me the evil eyes. I think she may have even challenged me to a real live fight. We were 18 years old. I was too engrossed in Plato's cave to get into a fist fight--which is good because I think she would have kicked my ass. Plato, on the other hand, I could probably take.

Here ends my walk down memory lane. Not sure if there's a moral to the story, but I guess if I was to come up with one, I'd say it's: Make sure you're hanging out with the right people.
Don't forget if you want to read about the boy who wouldn't leave me alone and 70 other essays by amazing authors, and help support a great cause in the process, then buy Dear Bully (70 Authors Tell Their Stories).

NOW...back to our regularly scheduled blog...

If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook, you might have noticed that lately, I'm taking a step back in time to when I was 11 and discovered Adam Ant. Or more accurately fell madly in love with Adam Ant. Or maybe more accurately, fell madly in love with a picture of Adam Ant. I only got to see him live on YouTube lately. Back then, all I had to fall in love with was the picture on the front of my record sleeve.
It was this picture:
He looks wild, eh?
I think my love for this picture was an indication that I might choose a future life partner based on how utterly exciting he was, which, if you know Mr. King, is exactly what I did. (Not to mention massively good-looking.) (I brag. You would too.) When I look wider at my posse, I realize I chose some mighty exciting people to hang out with. And like my story above illustrated, it's pretty important who you hang out with, and it says something about you, too.

Anyway, I've been listening to that album, and the title track gave me a great idea for a contest:

Add this track with my love for Yul Brenner and the [original] movie The Magnificent Seven, and you have a contest. Are you ready to win an Advance Reader Copy of EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS?
Sing it with me: WE ARE THE FAMILY!

The A.S. King Posse Contest
I am forming a posse. First, I need a right-hand man/sidekick/Spock/cohort. To choose my right-hand man/sidekick/Spock/cohort, I need to ask applicants three questions. 
  1. What would your personal posse nickname be? (What would I call you?)
  2. What's your motto? (This is what you yell before we have to attack evildoers and scoundrels.) (Except for Han Solo. He's an acceptable scoundrel.)
  3. Would you ever lie to me? If yes, then about what?
How to enter: Type your entry in the comment area of this here blog. Make sure to give me an email address in order to contact you if you win.
How to win: Make us laugh (funny cohorts are the best cohorts), snot through our noses or spit our coffee by writing something that we can tell you had a lot of fun writing.
Prize: A SIGNED advanced reader copy of EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS.
Deadline: Friday, September 9th at 23:59 EST.

If we get 50 entries, there will be TWO CHANCES to win. (And our posse will be a bit bigger, which is good.) So retweet, post on facebook and spread the word.

Good luck!


Stephanie W said...

My personal posse nickname would totally be The Dewey Decimator (I mean, I'm a librarian so I need an awesome library nickname!). Pretty sure I'd let you call me Dewey Dee for short.

My motto...I keep going back and forth between DFTBA (Don't Forget To Be Awesome = nerdfighter for life) and Bazinga! I totally think we would scream D-F-T-B-AAAAAAAA while going into battle against evildoers and not-so-awesome people.

I'm a pretty blunt person so I'm not to keen on lying, instead I'm more of a brazen truth kinda gal BUT I would probably lie to you if there was a giant T-Rex behind you running at full speed and there was just no chance that you would make it and you asked me "Is something wrong?". I'd probably lie and be like, 'Nah..it's all good'. Because as your sidekick, I'd rather you not see teeth and T-Rex throat as your last living vision but rather my face. Just saying. (=

Sara J. Henry said...

1. Concrete Head. No, I didn't make it up.
2. We write fiction so we can tell the truth.
3. No, even when I probably should.

thelittlefluffycat said...

1. Brooklyn. I have used this nickname (and its attendant personality) before.

2. Time to open a vein!

3, I would tell you the truth you needed to hear, even if it was a lie. I write fiction, it's what I do.

lydiao at sbc global dot net

AmethystGreye said...

You may call me Stick Pixie Pearl, Pix if you're runnin' short on time. Folks of a certain dark swagger know to run--blood iced and screams curdled--at the words, "Sugar rush, don't fail me now!", for sure as sure, I'ma coming after to yank a knot in their tails, and anythin' else I can get a good grip on.

Never had much call for falsehoods, but I'm not a daft girl like some; if ever the day comes loves pulls the wool over your eyes about just how fine your personal cowpoke be, I'll just mind my own business and not be sayin' anythin'!

Should you need me, I got a regular hauntin' spot at amethyst.greye@gmail.com They know me there, and can get word to me.

Joanne Levy said...

Well you know all this, but here goes:

1. The Deputy.
2. Shower often and thoroughly.
3. No, I'd never lie to you. Although, maybe I'm lying now...

I won the last ARC (YAY) so I'm just playing for fun today.

Karoline said...

We are family (sings along) =D And new contest equals AWESOME!!!
Okay, here I go :)

1) You would call me Akima Montgomery (which is my alter ego). Preferably you would call me "The brilliant and magnificent Akima Montgomery", but just Akima Montgomery would be enough too.
2) If you paint with words you won't get paint stains on your clothes <3
3) I have no poker face in person so in the real world I'd be completely honest. On the net though poker face doesn't really matter much at all (bwahaha). And if I'd lie it would be because you asked something like "did you do your dishes today" and then I'd say "yes, totally" on the net and then that would be a lie cause I'm lazy and leave things to the last minute ;)
My email is karo_reader@hotmail.com

Stephanie W said...

Ah..forgot to leave the old email address up there...so stephaniecwilkes@gmail.com is the email address for Dewey Dee!

Anita Cellucci said...

1. Posse name: "Ant" and would you believe I was in LOVE with Adam Ant too??
2. "Think Fast!!"
3. What have you got if you haven't got your word?? Love words and I try to be careful about not wasting them...

email: anitacellucci@gmail.com

Michelle said...

1. Posse name: Dr. Dingleberry (who doesn't want a doctor with scatological tendencies in their posse?)


3. Hmm. When I asked this very question to Annie Lennox decades ago, she just kept singing "Would I lie to you?" over and over again...Never got an answer. Anyhoo. Lying is not the way to go save for telling your pet you have no more treats when, in fact, you do. However, if I were to ever get asked, "does this make me look fat?" I would hoist my own petard and run.


Unknown said...

1) Possum. I would like to be the posse Possum.

2) Possum Posse Potui

...which means something like, "Can do, can do, did." But then, possums aren't that good at dead languages; they are only good at languages that *pretend* to be dead.

3) I'd lie to you about being dead; that's what possums do.

ps: You know I already have my arc. This is just because I want to be in your posse.

jberk said...

(1) I was once in a band where we all had really weird stage names. Mine was "The Fabulous Rumpshaker." I kid you not! People in and around the band used to call me "Fabby" for years. It's time to bring that back, clearly.

(2) Semper Fudge

(3) "Hey, Fabby - do I look cool in this Adam Ant-style crocheted vest?"

"Sure, Aimy-Waimy. Looks great."

Martha Brockenbrough said...

1) Oh, let's use my actual middle school nickname: Barfa.
2) Carpe Diet Coke!
3) I lied about the Diet Coke thing already. That stuff is bad for you.

Caroline said...

1. My personal posse nickname = The Bow-legged Bandit
2. What we’d yell before we attacked = “Smart beats smug. Real beats phony. The Bad Ass Posse is in your city.”
3. Yes, I would lie to you in some cases. For example, if you made me a mustard-yellow cape, with a seahorse on the back, I’d say I liked it – even though mustard-yellow makes my skin look sickly white and I would have rather had a squid design on mine, like your cape. But I’m the sidekick. Plus, it’s a homemade gift and you never diss those, right?

My email is: carolinecurran@yahoo.com

Unknown said...

1. Bulldog (according to my mother, I'm the one she sics on people when she wants something done)

2. "Look at it this way: I'm Pavlov and you're my bitch."

3. Lying never served anyone, and telling the truth can cut deeper.

lbp said...

1. El Beepee (those are actually my initials ‘lbp’ reformulated to conjure up thoughts of small but powerful engines made in Mexico-- just like a VW turbo diesel)
2. “Clowns will rule the earth!” and then I’d pull out my bingo nose and snap it on adding, “Rubber Noses and all!!”
3. Actually, I once took a psych test and the doc was rather shocked at the high score I got on the honesty section. She said I verged on utterly tactless and should definitely not go to the Naval Academy (my reason for the psych test) or any branch of the military because if someone told me to do something stupid, I would just tell them so. SO, my guess is I’d never lie to you. In fact, I would be your jester, the one who told you the hairy-faced truth, even when you didn’t particularly want to hear it.

Unknown said...

1.Posse Nickname: Satan...yes satan - a nickname i picked up from my students...it rhymes with my actual nickname of Aten and when I'd answer the phone "Mrs. Aten" alot of times people thought I was just saying Satan so it stuck.

2.Motto: Squirrel!!! (think it would be funny to shout that as we are about to pummel everyone...they'd all be like what?)

3.Lie? maybe about a bad hair day...but lies only fester more lies. I'd rather you tell me the truth and I'd hope you would expect the same.

Mittsu said...

1. Pedro. I'm a girl, but at A camp I went to a few friends of mine got hit on by a mexican guy with a mustache. We called him Pedro and made a song about him! "Peeeeeeddroooooo, you have a mustaaaaaaaaaache. And everytime I see that fuzz I want to scream and run, Peeeeeeedrrroooo." As a sidekick, I believe scaring people with strange mustaches is a very good qualitly.

2. Of course I would trick them with "Look behind you!" Yes, it's slimy. But it'll give us a head start to attack. Mwahaha.

3. Truthfully, I would. But only when the time was needed. Say if if you were attacked by a slug, or very large turtle, and looked terrible. If you asked me if you looked alright, I would tell you yes. Because that's how nice your little buddy Pedro is. ^-^ Plus I smell like oranges.

Here's meh e-mail. kayla_nieto@yahoo.com

Bird said...

1. Posse Nickname: Pantalons Merde (because I will make you doodie in your trousers)
2. Motto: Veracity!
3. Never ever ever ever...even if it hurts...cause I love you too much...
just playing for fun...I will wait for my pre-order to arrive in October...even if I have fourmis dans mon pantalon...

Aaron Pound said...

1. I'd like to be known as the "Assassin with a Book".

2. I'd yell "Smack you in the head with my signed hardback copy of Please Ignore Vera Dietz!"

3. If you think you have to ask, doesn't that pretty much answer the question? Anyway, no. Well, not to your knowledge in any case. And yes, that chainsaw is the perfect accessory for your outfit.

Laura @thereadingnook said...

My personal posse name: lc is who I be :)
my personal motto: look ahead because looking back won't give you anything but a stiff neck
And lying is for the weak-minded so I would lie to you!'


John B said...

You can call me Little Joe, but do note that I am not little and Joe is not my real name.
The motto I like best is "Play ball" but that may not work so well with a posse, in which case I think I'd go with "I say we hang 'em, then we kill 'em, then we stomp 'em, then we tattoo 'em"
Yes I would lie to you. I mean, no, I wouldn't lie. I mean, of course I would. Mostly about everything, but not about really important things, like dinner. And your hair.

Anna said...

hmm, my nickname? Swkeakytoy. (yes it's spelled like that on pupose. Long story.)

motto...because I just LOVE the new A-Team movie, it would have to be "Alpha, Mike, Foxtrot!" in other words "Adios Mother F***er! because, that's lots of fun.

and, Would I lie to you? Well, I would be a liar if I said I woulnd't lie to you, so let's just say "I'll never lie to you" and leave it at that.