Tuesday, August 23, 2011

My [Fictional] Summer Vacation Contest

That's the cave, right there.
Been locked in my cave working. They only let me out occasionally to eat and swim.
Also, they let me out to support PA libraries.

Don't forget that this Saturday, August 27th, PAYA will be happening in West Chester, PA. I will be signing from 12-1pm, and the list of awesome authors is amazing! UPDATE! PAYA will now be earlier (11-2) and I will not be able to make it! Still--a lot of great authors coming together to support PA libraries! If you can make it, do!

Now, for the fun! 

Over the next month, you will get a weekly chance to win an advance read of EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS because I'm going to run my usual pain-in-the-ass writing contests here on the blog. Why are they a pain in the ass? Because you have to work a little to win. I know. I suck. I've been told this before. But it's fun. I promise! 
That's an ANTS ARC, right there.

Challenge: All you have to do is write a 100 word (or less) piece about your FICTIONAL summer vacation.

(There are no bonus points for squeezing all of these words in, so don't hurt yourself.)

A very poor, late-night, 82-word example: (Please don't think yours should look like this. You don't have to have spaceships or actual squid and you don't have to feature rock n' roll superstars.)
The squid (that's me) spent a lot of time swimming in the warm Indian Ocean in early summer before the Martian spaceship landed in her back yard and beamed her ass up to Mars where she got to hang out with Elvis and learned the truth about Adam Ant by actually reading his Wikipedia page. Then she glowed red for believing such rubbish for so many years about Adam Ant. Turns out all the stuff she believed about Elvis was accurate.
How to enter: Type your entry in the comment area. Make sure to give me an email address in order to contact you if you win!
How to win: Make us laugh, snot through our noses or spit our coffee by writing something that we can tell you had a lot of fun writing. 
Prize: A SIGNED advanced reader copy of EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS.
Deadline: MONDAY, August 29th at 11:59PM EST  EXTENDED due to hurricane Irene!

Happy inventing!  

Now, Random Thank Yous & News

A huge thank you to Rene' (and Judy) at Third Place Books in Seattle for this amazing review of EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS. I now must come to see you. I've been planning a Portland trip, so maybe I can just, you know, figure out a way to get up there.

Another huge thanks to Junior Library Guild's Susan Marston who wrote this awesome article for School Library Journal and included ANTS as one of her favorites.

EVERYBODY SEES THE ANTS has landed on the YALSA nomination lists for both Best Fiction for Young Adults AND Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers. Thrilled to see this! Go Lucky Linderman.

Back to the cave.
See you to announce a winner next Monday!


Becky B. @ Bibliognome said...

Email - geckyboz[at]gmail[dot]com

Here's my fictional summer vacation. The title is Calcium, Ohio: The Squid versus the Howitzer

The ad said, Monster Boat Tour so I knew I had to check it out because some cheesy goodness would be just around the corner.
The day of the tour we were out on the bay. Then this eerie howling started up and there was a bang against the ship. I thought it was all special effects. Then the tentacles shot out of the water.

There just under the water was a squid, I heard a rustle as the Captain moved a tarp thus uncovering a howitzer and preparing to fire. That's when the squid started talking...

Karoline said...

Awesome! Am totally entering this contest, seeing as I love your books :)

My fictional summer vacation story – How I came to represent Squidwear

I guess the most interesting part of my summer vacation was that day I got turned into a squid, tentacles and all. So I pouted, I swam, I asked my therapist for advice (she told me it was probably just father issues) and at last it worked out for the best, since I became the spokesperson for Squidwear with this theme song:

«Squid into your clothes, make it worth your while, go to Squidwear for the best, most awesome squidwear-style»

Now that I've turned back I kind of want to become a squid again...
That's my story, not counting the title it's exactly 100 words and here is my email: karo_reader@hotmail.com

MariannetheLibrarian said...

I went to a special camp to learn the skills necessary for surviving the zombie apocalypse. I aced "Using Household Tools for Decapitation" but only got a B in "Your House is Your Castle." I kept getting tangled up in barbed wire. (ouch) I tried to get into "Gourmet Cooking with Canned Goods" but it fills up quickly. Maybe next summer! In the meantime I am going to continue to work on rule #1....Cardio!

Ringo the Cat said...

Here is mine (email elsdeclercq[at]gmail[dot]com), 100 words exactly:

"The first thing Mini-Mona had noticed when she observed her 8-week beach hideaway and its main resident, was the squidlike birthmark on the lifeguard’s shoulder. A tad unusual but not that hard on the eye, what with the arms that were attached to aforementioned shoulder... Besides the fact that his beach cabin was the swankiest she’d ever seen, he obviously had a similar taste in furniture: less is more. Plus, they were both Buckeyes, so there was hardly any chance he’d Howitzer her out of his cabin any time soon. Ah, summer, sun, sand, … and her own personal lifeguard!"

Brian said...

I was on a plane to Ohio when my plane got diverted to Vancouver. I met Kelly Slater and a half-dozen super models and he said "Come with us to Rio for a 5 day weekend." I did nothing but drink margaritas and eat tacos and... well, Katy did give me a weekend pass :) Then the Disney star Selena Gomes and her posse showed up and we got pictures is all I'm sayin'. On the plane ride back I got to sit next to Nathan Fillion and he wants me to co-write the first season of the return of 'Firefly'.

MariannetheLibrarian said...

I should never post too late at night, or too early in the morning. Here is my revised post:

This summer I went to camp in Knox County, Ohio to learn survival skills for the Zombie Apocalypse. I aced “Using Household Tools for Decapitation,” but where they think I am going to get a Howitzer, I have no idea. I only got a B in "Your House *is* Your Castle" since I kept getting tangled up in barbed wire (ouch!). I learned a lot in "Gourmet Cooking with Canned Goods," especially where to find good sources of calcium (tomato soup and squid). I’m going to return next summer, but in the meantime I will remember Rule #1: Cardio.


rosa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joanne Levy said...

This summer, I went scuba diving and was attacked by a Humboldt squid. It grabbed my regulator, pulling it from my mouth and then it wrapped its tentacles around me and kissed me with its spiny beak. A merman saw and said the laws of the sea determined a kiss from a squid was as good as an engagement ring. So, I took Sir Inksalot home and we had our engagement dinner at the Algonquin hotel. While we were…er…busy, some dude stole all our cheese. But it’s okay; cheese is nothing compared to the love of a good cephalopod.


Mittsu said...

Alrighty, here's my story. xD Hope you like it. It's night here, so I'm abit tired. So this is what happened on my fictional summer adventure to Ohio. It's like 200 words...sorry I got caught up in my story. Oh and here's my e-mail, kayla_nieto@yahoo.com

Where I am right now, with sand in my lungs and my faced stuffed against the ground, I can't help but think what my mother used to tell me when I was younger. "If you run with the slugs, you'll become one." I never understood what she meant, until I moved to Ohio for the summer. It was a breezy, bright day, well from what I could tell from the shade of my tree. I'll admit, since I got here I haven't hung out with the best crowd, it was the kind of people that sagged their pants like (Ahem) gangsters, and turned theirs hats to the side. Their jewelry alone made me cringe. We went out to the lake one day to make fun at the people we poked with sticks. This is when the lake police stationed there came and shoved me against the ground. Nothing would be a worse feeling. The people I hung out with were the slugs and I was becoming one. Being pulled from the ground and hauled to a police car again makes me think of the wise words of my mother. "If you run with the slugs, you'll become one." How stupid is that? I was riding in a police car, yo.

Steph said...

My summer vacation consisted of fending off boredom during July by deciding to kidnap a giant squid from an aquarium (it involved a very large truck and tank, and no I cannot tell you how I acquired those items), and letting it relax in the community pool overnight. Needless to say, it made the front page of the local paper and scared an elderly lifeguard who opened up the pool. But, at least no one found out it was me.


Cherisa said...

As every summer, my dog, Howitzer (aka Howlie) and I leave our boring life in Lancaster, Ohio and head to our summer home in Nantucket. We arrived in late June and after putting away clothes, it is time to head to the nearest market to restock our cupboards. Filling my basket up with goodies I head home where Howlie eagerly waited for my returning, knowing the beach was our next stop. We went down to Siasconset Beach to meet up with our old friend “Squid” for a day of sailing. This was pretty much my daily routine except when Squid would change things up with trips to the Brotherhood of Thieves.

Our home: http://pinterest.com/pin/136397651/

BTW I am literally adding this to the name of future dogs!

Cherisa said...

I, Cherisa, forgot to put my email. *dunce capped*


rosa said...

the first time i messed up.

This summer I went to Ohio to visit my friend. Wile I was there
her mom took us to the mall and said she would pick us up in an hour. While we were walking in the mall a lady in a suit walked up to us and gave us her card. Then she offered us free hair products. We were like awesome free stuff and took a bunch. That night I washed my hair using the hair products. The next morning when my friend saw my hair she screamed. Her mom came over and also started screaming when she saw my hair. Running to their bathroom I saw that my hair was jetblack. Reading the label it said, made with 100% squid ink. OMG

Metzgirl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Metzgirl said...

E-mail queen_of_baking[at]yahoo[dot]com

While attending Rihanna's summer concert at the Ohio State Fair, my friend dared me to climb up on the WWII Howitzer we were stuck next to get a better view. Just as I reached the top, Rihanna fell off the stage! I jumped off, over a mass of undulating, screaming, squid-like fans running to care for the fallen singer. Reaching her before the emergency crews, she seemed fine, though her leg looked questionable. “Have you taken your calcium?” I yelled, realizing she was far too young for osteoporosis. Thankfully, her leg was fine and she invited me on her yacht.

John said...

My summer vacation:

Spending the summer at the drive-in was OK, I guess. Sure, it was in Ohio (I mean, c'mon, OHIO!), but I really didn't like anything except maybe the 'Green Hornet'/'Babes In Toyland' double feature, but we ran out of gas and had no radio and I had to lip read for most of the day. Oh yeah, it was a bargain matinee, and a little hard to see. Good popcorn, though, with extra margarine. We did get used to the hot dogs. Even for breakfast. A little dry, but the mustard was free.


Michelle said...

My summer goal was to drink two liters of two percent milk in two minutes. The townsfolk said it couldn’t be done. "Lactose intolerant people can't! It's murder!" they screamed, “remember what happened to Stella Cheesepants, rest her soul!" But I drank. The doc said my calcium levels were dangerously high; I was buying two new pairs of pants every two weeks. One Tuesday night, late August, I sat there with the two liters waiting, my last chance before summer’s end. But suddenly, I knew. My guts knew. I fell to my knees. “STELLAAAA...STELLAAAA!”

My email: fabbityfabbookreviews@gmail.com

Anonymous said...

My Summer Vacation...
While I was on vacation this summer, a hurricane came thru and landed a giant squid on my 2nd floor balcony. I came outside to greet him only to find at the end of each of his eight arms were some of my favorite people who had passed on! I invited the squid to stay for dinner and I had the best day of my life with my dad, my grand mom, Princess Di, Mother Theresa, Pope John Paul, Bob Marley, Martin luther King, and Lucille ball. After dinner I drove the squid back to the ocean. Everyone waved goodbye and swam away.

Kathy Snyder

Anonymous said...

Agreeing to go to Ohio was stupid, but she wanted a ride and I wanted her. We were both going to sleep in her room, me on an air mattress next to her bed. How perfect does that sound?
Pete (the old boyfriend) came around the third day we were there. I played it cool when he and Angie went to the movies and left me to play Monopoly with her little brother. But later...
"I swear, Sam, hands like a fucking squid!"
In the darkness, I could just make out the flash of her white teeth as she smiled.

*monsteratemy AT gmail.com*

Steve Avery said...

Summer vacation

The summer vacation escape from Ohio was planned with a dart and the U.S. map on the pub wall. Tucson, Arizona was the determined destination. Historic Santa Rita Hotel famous for guests like Zane Gray would be my accommodations for the week of July 6th. Ghost towns of the Southwest and Tombstone were highlights on the itinerary. Arizona’s unpredictable weather was the star at the O.K. Corral as a haboob appeared on the horizon. I was left to wonder how a dust storm would have affected the outcome of this legendary gunfight.

Stephanie W said...

My Summer Vacation...pretty much sucked. My mom was on this huge rant because she was out of calcium pills and I didn't want her to fall and break a hip. So, instead of spending time with all of my friends, I had to try to stock up on all the calcium pills in town for my geriatric mother and her holey bones. Anyways...APPARENTLY it's illegal to use a howitzer on old people in nursing homes so I spent my summer vacation in jail just so my mom could get her calcium fix. She’s hardcore. Addicts…they’re everywhere.

Stephanie W.

Chris said...

Look out, Phineas and Ferb, make way for me and my howitzer’s (or is it my howitzer and me or I? Never mind, grammar means nothing to me and Lil’ Boom Boom) epically-awesome-and-totally-cool summer vacation review.

We blew things up. A lot of things.

Trees? Yep. Abandoned gopher holes? Destroyed. The convenience store that refuses to stock actual brand name candy bars? Totally gone.

All without leaving my room, thanks to an abundant supply of caffeine, calcium supplements, and frozen squid bites.

Wait, you didn’t think I was some kind of gun nut, did you? This is Ohio, not Alaska.

100 words exactly (I'm so glad hyphenated words count as a single word.)

Chris Hingley
chrishingley17 AT gmail DOT com

Kristen Pelfrey said...

To face unresolved Apocalypse issues I fled the west coast, earthquake /botox zombie land, for brief holiday in Winesburg, Ohio, whose duality of real/not real would help, convinced as I was that Sherwood Anderson, a sensible son of Ohio, would ground me in reality. Plan unraveled as I read “The Book of the Grotesque.” Dismay! Chagrin! I self-medicated, and spiraled into alienation, angst, and loneliness, far beyond the comforts of duct tape or solar crank radios. Sartre! Eternal nausea! Woke up in Las Vegas a week later, clad in ruby slippers and tattooed: They look like ants from here.

Kristen Pelfrey Faulconer